Yinz —

Happy Summer! I figured I’d get my two cents in for this whole Dillon-Francis-comes-to-Pittsburgh-for-the-first-time-ever-so-let’s-get-hype-it’s-lit stuff that Thrival is rolling out in September.

For those of you who don’t frequent the off-brand cell phone kiosk at Monroeville Mall, you may not know me. I’m Harold, second cousin of the now globally famous Gerald—friend, advisor, trusted confidante, and consigliere for Dillon Francis.

Look, I’m glad donkey pinatas now have more of a voice and broader representation in the arts. We typically just get the crap whacked out of us while grabby children fight over our candy entrails. In case you’re wondering, that experience is horrifying.

All I’m saying is that maybe, MAYBE, some of us want something more out of life. Why?

A.) I’m educated.

B.) I don’t like baseball bats. And definitely not elementary schoolers with baseball bats.

C.) The off-brand cell phone kiosk isn’t necessarily my long-term plan.

D.) Apparently, this Pittsburgh tech scene is the hotness right now — so I want in.

I’m a recent grad, but not one with a Computer Science degree and I’m not an engineer — but I know there’s something in the Burgh for me. And, quite frankly, I’m tired of people being all judgy with me, like:

“Yo Harold, how’s slinging cell phone cases? Got one for an iPhone 4?”


“Why is this donkey pinata talking to me? And why is he working at a mall?”

Since Dillon is coming to town with or without the one famous donkey pinata on the planet, I’m taking matters into my own hooves and making some noise in this new economy.

Because after I’m done hustling plastic at the mall, I’m here to throw down.

For the next six weeks, I’ll be hanging around Pittsburgh with these Thrival people (look, they begged me and gave me free Dunkin’ Donuts gift cards) who insist that there is a world of opportunity here — I just need to know where to look and who to meet.

And I get to live the experience of a social media “influencer.” #watchoutkim

Follow Thrival’s Insta, Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat @thrivalfestival to see where I end up and who I meet. And if you find me, you’ll probably get some free stuff (cough, cough, free tickets, cough, cough, Dunkin’ Donuts, cough cough).

You heard it here: Harold ‘bout to BLOW UP WITH THIS GLOW UP.

And once my career takes off I’ll straight up buy a new cell phone case WITHOUT MY EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT. Why? BECAUSE I CAN.

See yinz soon. #LovePGH